Okay...Time To Start

Well...I guess it is time to get up off my duff and do what I can to start raising awareness and necessity of testing for prostate cancer.

I think my first steps should be to reach out to the folks involved with the breast cancer awareness as well as stand up for cancer. I think a bunch of letters could help. At least that is something. It just seems that if I think it's unfair that prostate cancer doesn't get much attention, I should try to get it some. When one in 7 men will contract this disease and 25,000 will die each year it seems like a big issue. Maybe it's true what my wife says - breast cancer gets attention because women get out there. Let's see if men will.

A Year Tomorrow...

Tomorrow will be a year since I put all my trust in Dr Peter Scardino and had my prostate removed. What a year it's been! From waking up with a catheter and slightly confused in the recovery room of Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center - and being asked if I have sleep apnia and told I press the button for more pain medication too often - to today when I am well on the way to full recovery, I've learned a lot about prostate cancer, myself and the people around me. I've also made some new friends and found a new purpose (not like the one Steve Martin found in the "The Jerk") for my life.

This past Wednesday I learned that my PSA is still at undetectable levels. Great! I have also been working out for the last two months at a great gym and dropped some of the weight I put on since the surgery. Looking back, it seems my energy level and irritability were higher for at least six months after the surgery. The fact I could not achieve a "workable" erection for that time didn't help! However, the last six months have seen a dramatic change.

About two months ago, my familiy and I moved closer to work to help reduce commuter stress. That move has helped tremendously! My energy levels are higher and I am able to get in the gym three times a week which helps increase my endurance and reduce stress. Eating more healthfully has helped me drop 15 pounds and I am closer to my ideal weight - but still need to lose 10 lbs. I have also found ways to help other men in the wheel house for prostate cancer. The biggest way? Just talk about it and the need for the PSA test!

Through this blog I have become friends some folks with similar challenges and think I've managed to help or at least encourage some. At work, I talk freely to anyone who has questions and have been able to advise men and the families of men in my situation. I've even managed to do some volunteering to help others in the broader population touched by cancer - many with far more devatating complications than I have had to face. Recently, I 've contacted another group "Bat For A Cure" through which I may be able to focus more on helping those candidates for prostate cancer as well as those with the disease.

I write today to let anyone reading this know, that a year out and I am feeling great. That it is essential that men over 45 (or if there is someone in your family who contracted this disease even earlier) be tested with a PSA test and to find out your Gleason scale numbers! Don't let your your doctor say the test doesn't make a difference - it does! If your Gleason scale number is above 2, you should see a Urologist. Please read about the opportunities!

Please write to me if there is anything with whichi can help!

Almost a year....

Wow! Fourth of July 2009 and I am closing in on the end of my first year of recovery and what a year it has been.

After so many fears and hopes, I seem to have stabilized at a slowly improving level of recovery. There have been moments when I actually forget about my disease. But most of the time it's like I am carrying around the corpse of the person I was before my diagnosis of prostate cancer. The desire put on the brave face and answer all questions as positive as possible comes and goes. There are times when people ask how I am when I have to spew the truth about the devastation of a compromised hard on.

The challenges, both emotional and physical, of taking Viagra every day and not fully recovering have left their scars. The tension with my wife that rears it's head every two to three months. The daily confrontation with trying to engineer an erection when I'm running crazy...... and planning on taking the pill two hours after eating........ and not eating for another hour after taking the pill.....and trying to plan sex at a specific time when exhausted after chasing three kids on the weekend or busting my ass trying to get my completely screwed diabetes patient marketing program fixed....all leave me drained and wishing I could just forget about sex. But then my wife must pay too which would probably leave me paying with still another loss...the loss of my marriage.

There are times when I don't know if survival is such a great thing. There are times when I wish I never knew about prostate cancer, and learned when it was to late to do anything. There are times when I want to just stop trying...

But there have been some benefits. I've communicated with several others who are going through the same thing and believe that maybe I helped them just a little. I've heard stories of so many others who are much worse off than me. My insurance and the additional support of a company which helped me navigate the labyrinth that is the medical/insurance relationship have spared me from the financial devastation treatment of this disease can layer on top of the physical and emotional challenges. I have enjoyed being part of my children's lives and seen so much growth and so many accomplishments in the last year. My sons graduating from kindergarten and playing baseball against older kids and holding their own, my daughter who truly began to blossom in her tenth year taking reading so many series of books, embracing performing and gaining the confidence which I think is so critical in ensuring that she be strong enough to choose her own path.

Over the next few years I want to figure out how I can begin to initiate the kind of programs that SusanG. Komen to aid those with breast cancer. To grow awareness of the importance and simplicity of testing, to not only provide funding of research, but for those needing treatment ad unable to afford it. To help men and their families openly discuss a disease which not only has the potential to shred a life but an entire family.

If there is anyone with a suggestion on how to begin this process. I am all ears.

Six Months of 0....

Man, back from so much stuff....

Biggest thing here...we're six months into the post-surgery deal. Dr Scardino is amazing! I have great urinary control and have had sex once, but otherwise things in my life are amazing!

Had the check up and everything is fine -- PSA was zero -- very cool getting to know Dr Scardino and his amazing wife Judith. Makes me feel good to be at a point in my life where I can produce enough for my company that I can spend time with my family and donate time to help others. It makes me feel sooooooo good. I love balance.

Corporate cruise was great. Lotsa work and lotsa fun. Got to know some colleagues better and left the ship friends. Saw the WBC in Puerto Rico. I miss baseball...Such an American sport - both cerebral and physical equally balanced.

Got a cool new camera and here are a few pics...

Six Months In...

Heading in to Memorial Sloan Kettering today for the six month tests to see if my friend prostate cancer has come back. Wow....six months sure goes by fast...The last few weeks have seen some strides actually managed to have sex for the first time since the operation! May be to much information for some, but I am trying to be as transparent and open as I can be on here...Felt AWESOME!!!!!!!

Funny how the little fear of cancer returning sneaks up on you. I was just hanging watching tv and the thought sprouted up in my head...then while driving to work....then at work and each time staying a little longer and delivering a little more anxiety...There's really nothing anyone can say or do to make this stop and most don't even want to explore the thought.. I get the reassuring, "Don't worry about it, I'm sure you're fine..." But I do worry...Thank God for compartmentalization!

Will let all know of the outcome of the tests when I review with Dr Scardino in a few weeks.

Also have made friends with another guy going to Dr Scardino for the same operation....He also seems to be doing very well...

Our search for a new home and efforts to get decent value for this one is in moving ahead....Had an open house last weekend and a parade of reviewers marched through our home critiquing all our stuff...only a couple of nosy folks from the neighborhood were compelled to sneak in...one guy lives two houses away and has never spoken to us, but did stop by to tell lots of folks we are asking way to much...swell guy

Pitchers and Catchers...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh..... February 13, 2009

Mets pitchers and catchers report to Port St Lucie... The wrestling winds in the northeast signal the beginning of the battle between winter and spring. And boy did we have some winds the last couple of days...

The chill of winter has been displaced by the hope of a new baseball season. The Mets rotation is looking pretty good. The franchise record setting (for blown saves) bullpen has been overhauled and he core is back in place. David Wright is positive as always and saying all the (w)right things. If Jose Reyes can act like a grown up and add a little focus to his unparalleled electrifying abilities, and Luis Castillo can get lost in New Jersey - or Latin America - somewhere, th Mets have a great chance.

I made a big leap into the 21st century this week and actually joined Facebook. Found a group for people with prostate cancer. Some silly hypothesis about losing 61 pounds curing a guys cancer. Not sure if that necessarily works. If everyone who lost 61 pounds conquered their cancer, I think there may be a much higher recovery rate. Oh yeah, and his guy didn't have a diagnosis of cancer - just high one time PSA test - not even a biopsy.

Funny how people ask how you're doin' but don't realy want to hear anything but "great." The fact that I am relatively young and haven't had a hardon in six months, please don't share that much info!

Had a great time a couple of weeks ago courtesy of my brother. Cathy and I and our sons hit the Islander/Devils game. Good news the seats were great! Bad news, the Devils were up 3 nothin at the end of the first period. Good news, the Islanders did score a goal. Oh how the heroes honored by the banners hanging from the rafters above The Coliseum ice would have hung their heads if they'd watched the sorry excuse for a team wearing their jerseys.

Michael and Jack enjoyed their Hulk-themed birthday party. I envy the energy and wreckless abandon of 6 year olds. Jumping at least six feet in the air and landing on their skinny little bottoms on padded inflatable slides to come crashing down in a tangle of limbs to pop up laughing - a birthday party. The smiles shine.

Interesting circle of life stuff in the last two weeks. One colleague, Frank Lupo passed away at age 37 of a massive heart attack in his sleep leaving three young children and a wife who hadn't worked in about 7 years. No need to mention how the similarities between his family and mortality brought some reflective moments before my surgery surging back into my mind and emotional core. That was amplified by the pall hanging over the entire department and awkwardness of trying to compartmentalize the sadness (what an understatement) and go forward. How do you stay positive, or approach others about work when everyone is on the brink of an emotional breakdown.

At the beginning of the circle, another colleague welcomed his second child and first daughter into the world yesterday afternoon. Mom and daughter are well and my friend is practicing his sneer for the future when his daughter starts dating.